Posted by Anonymous on 2014/05/16 under Uncategorized I think one of the biggest trials in my life is family. It has been about 5 years since my parents got divorced and it still affects me. Usually not in a good way. My mom got remarried which you can imagine is really hard for me. My dad is currently living with his parents, so it is hard for me to spend nights and hang out with him. He is now following a good path. He has a girlfriend and they have been dating for about two years now. They are building a house together and it should be getting done here in a few months. Which I think will be really good for me. Then I wont have to spend every night at my moms house. I love my mom more than anything don’t get me wrong. Its just really hard having her be remarried and all. She is tough too. She seems to ground me a lot and I am sick and tired of it. For example. Me and her husband recently got in a fight and I haven’t wanted to talk to him about it. But why should I have to? I didn’t marry him, she did. So I was so so mad about that. So she took me on a walk and tried to talk to me but I didn’t want to hear it so I held my ground. So now Im grounded on the f***ing weekend the only god damn f***ing day I like of the week. All I ever do when I am home is sit in my god damn room and usually sleep. I am about god damn sick of it. My family is a family full of Mormons. Ya know how they say having sex before marriage is against the commandments and pretty much you will go to hell if you do it? Yeah well I guess I am going to hell. I don’t give a s*** either. This life is hell. I love the guy that I had sex with. More than I love anything. I love him with my whole heart. Except. He doesn’t feel the same way. Our relationship is hard to explain. He has such a reputation of a player. His friends always come first. Which is probably why he will never have a girlfriend. When he is around everyone else he acts like he hates me. But when he is around me he acts like he is totally in love with me. You can tell just by the way he kisses me. He will go through stages where he will completely ignore me. Which totally kills me. He took my virginity and it wasn’t enough for him. I don’t know if he will ever come back. All I have to do is never give up. Even though I want to so so bad. I just cant. Because you cant give up on the ones that you love. Maybe one day he will come back. But I don’t know when that is. Well to sum up my thoughts… My life is s***. It makes me feel awful. I hate being on this earth every second. Sometimes I wish I could just leave. Ya know just completely kill myself. I hate this life so much. I hate it. My mom never gets off my god damn mother f***ing back. Its like I cant do anything right. I cant get the perfect grades. I am a horrible daughter in her eyes. Im never good enough for anyone. Friends are the worst. I walk down the hall and all I can hear is people laughing at me. Girls are mean. Mostly in high school. Because in life everything to people is high school. The are so unknown to the world outside of high school that they wont even know what to do when they get there. So many times I have gone through school without having friends. Because every friend I have ever had has stabbed me right in the mother f***ing back. Yeah I have a best friend and I still do to this day. But that has never stopped her from stabbing me right in the back. Everyone who has ever came into my life has quickly walked out and I am so sick of it.